One Day At A Time

How are YOU doing?

I am asked this just about every day. I just got a new thin silver bracelet, and all around it, it says, “one day at a time”. That’s where we are at. I’ve known the verse for many years, “Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matt. 6:34), yet it’s easy to worry how we will get through another day, all the firsts, up coming events. The other day after quite a few rough days, I made the comment to Norm, “we made it through another day”. And, “one day at a time” is realistic.

We still have so many firsts. Yesterday was our children’s AWANA awards. Our daughter Heidi received her “third book award”. This is where I can push on the advantages of homeschooling. She is one that really struggled when first starting. She had a little bit of a lisp, and got frustrated with everyone correcting her. She thought she’d never learn to read, and was in tears often those first few years. The other comparison for HER, is that she is a twin, and it always appeared her twin did so much better. Heidi is competitive and strong-willed, which helped her keep moving forward. Her twin, Heather is more carefree and though she did great with her book this year, she helped more with the younger kids, and just did not finish. So they BOTH did great, but just neat to see the rewards of homeschooling even with this where Heidi would have been labeled.

Last year we remember the AWANA awards well, and Stephen and Matthew each gave their testimony. I did good getting through the program, concentrating on each of the children as they got their awards and prizes. Then, seeing Stephen and Jayson up there, without Matthew, brought that lump back. There were no testimonies from that group this year, which for their sake, probably is good, as it would have been quite emotional for them.

Yesterday Norm was cleaning up the yard, and around Matthew’s car, which Stephen used after his accident, before he got his new truck. But now it sits there. Norm was cleaning around yard, picking up lots of depris from the winter, and came in and told me he was ready to sell Matthew’s car. It’s too hard to have that just sitting there. Today we did a little garage saling. One time it struck me when we saw some nice clean shoes, size 11, Matthew’s size – again that lump. But, I was concentrating mostly on what the children needed. Later Norm asked me on how much I thought of Matthew while garage saling, and I said, really not much, except for the shoes. He said for him, it was hard again – just all the “material things” that really have no meaning compared to eternity, and the great, great responsibility we have. The other stuff has lost so much meaning. Our fun garage saling ventures at this time are a lot more low key.

So, we are taking one day at a time. We’ve not done as much with the remodeling because of puppy business, schooling, and doctor/ortho appointments (Jayson’s jaw is still locking up a lot – please pray regarding this, because the ortho does not feel we have many more options, and he may need surgery). We keep busy, and are trying more and more to get more personal with the children. We don’t have a second chance.

This is something I read today, and even something my father-in-law encouraged me with yesterday, and will end it with this.

From GRACE TO YOU – by John MacArthur

God gives you the glorious gift of life today; live in the light and full joy of that day, using the resources God supplies. Don’t push yourself into the future and forfeit the day’s joy over an anticipated tomorrow that may never happen. Today is all you really have, for God permits none of us to live in tomorrow until it turns into today.

Understand this: God gives you strength one day at a time. He gives you what you need when you need it and doesn’t encumber you with excess baggage. Perhaps your worst fear is how you’d handle a loved one’s death. Let me assure you as a pastor who has kept watch over many Christians finding themselves in that situation, this is the attitude I most often encounter: “It is so wonderful how God has sustained me! I naturally miss my beloved, but I feel such incredible strength and confidence and a gladness in my heart that my loved one is with the Lord.” God gives us His grace in the hour we need it. If we worry about the future now, we double our pain without having the grace to deal with it.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today, yes and forever” (Heb. 13:8). That means He will be doing the same thing tomorrow that He was doing yesterday. If you have any question about the future, look at the past. Did He sustain you then? Don’t worry—He will sustain you in the future as well.

Adapted from Anxiety Attacked, © 1993 by John MacArthur. All rights reserved

“I WISH YOU ENOUGH” – Story

You may have read this already, as I’ve read it several times in forwarded e-mails, but brought on a little different meaning as I read it today . . .

I Wish You Enough

Recently at an airport, I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, “I love you, I wish you enough.”

She in turn said, “Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed, I wish you enough too, Daddy.” They kissed and she left.

He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?”

“Yes, I have,” I replied, “forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?” I asked.

“I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral,” he said.

“When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough’, may I ask what that means?”

He began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled ever more. “When we said, ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them,” he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Good-bye.”

Tears filled his eyes and he walked away.

And so,

I wish you enough.

(author unknown)

(but without God we don’t have enough, or have eternal secturity)

“Moment in Time” Poem

MOMENT IN TIME

I often wonder what it would be like to travel the long dusty roads
The exact ones where my precious Savior walked
I can see it in my mind now
Thousands of people gather ‘round
To listen to His stories
What if I was in the crowd?
Jesus mingled with the lame and meek
He hung with people like me
Even though the holy people said it was a shame
The lame longed to be made whole
The blind longed to see
All of the sudden the crowd stopped
Their mouths gaped open
A woman came crawling down the dirt covered street
With every move she made
You could see she was in pain
What if that woman was me?
Longing to get a glimpse of this Jesus
What would it be like to touch the hem of His robe?
Would my faith have been enough?
I wonder what it would have been like if it was me who touched His robe
For just a moment in time, would the world stop?
Would everything go in slow motion as I scramble to my feet?
How would people react?
Would Jesus stop so I could catch a glimpse
Of the man who would soon shed His blood for me?
I wonder what it would feel like to run
Or dance
In that moment in time would I fall to His feet?
Would I finally feel free?
Free enough to fly?
Oh how I wish I could have a moment in time such as this
To touch His robe
And look my Savior in the eye
And finally be able to dance in freedom’s song.

By Heather

8-27-01

19 weeks – Still Hurting & Growing

It’s been a long week. Many ups – but more downs. We are still trying to find this “new normal” and there’s so many adjustments, we just never realized. I often read the obituaries – I’ve done this for years especially since our stillborn daughter, and will send a card to a bereaved family. Last week I read an interesting memorial in the obituary section. The husband wrote in memory of his wife, and mainly stated after first losing her, all they could thing of was the wonderful, loving times, but as time has gone on, the rough, bitter days come back too, yet their love was unconditional, and they made it through those days too. I think when we first went through the shock of losing Matthew, we all clung on to each other, wanted to uplift each other and bear each another’s burdens. We were at the beginning, all at the same point, but as time goes on, we are finding how we are each grieving differently, and things that may not have been “settled” before Matthew died, still are not, and are a bigger issue, that take a lot more out of us to try to break the barriers and work out. So, it’s definitely not been easy, and am thankful for close friends and our pastor who have been very available to us. It’s easy to close ourselves off at times to other friends (especially me) just not wanting the openess and revealing the pain we are truly going through. I know some of my friends and family read this, and wonder why I share here, and though I certainly don’t give the itty-bitty details of the failures and trying times we have gone through, I like to write, I want to be able to look back and see how God carried us, and want others who I don’t even know, know that as a true Believer in Jesus, that I have emotions that are deep, and that I can weep as those that weep, and maybe it will help another person to know, they can carry on despite the valleys we fall into. We aren’t alone. Also, my husband reads what I write, and there have been times, certain things have quickly come off that I have written!

Nope, life is not easy. God did not promise us that. But, I know we will make it. After church today, Norm put his arms around me and said though this was one of the worst past weeks, he thinks we made some progress and broke through some communication gaps, and we WILL make it. I know we will. Too many are praying for us, and we made a commitment to God and our family. Continue praying for us, and our children. The wounds are still raw, but we are so wanting for the healing to continue.

In going along with this, a mom recently left a comment here, who lost her husband 2 years ago, leaving behind his wife, a 3 year old and she was 8 months pregnant. I’ve not had a lot a time to look through her website in memory of her husband, but what I’ve read has been very encouraging. Her husband also published a book, Proverbs for your Life. It sounds very interesting.

PS – Please read the first comment (there is only one as I write this – does NOT mean any others are not important!!) that was left with this post. We have gotten many personal e-mails regarding families learning the game Matthew played and finding out their children or others they know are experimenting with it also. I don’t take this as a “pat on the back”, but that God is allowing our journey to help other families. We do believe good can come out of this, for eternities perspective.

19 weeks – Still Hurting & Growing

It’s been a long week. Many ups – but more downs. We are still trying to find this “new normal” and there’s so many adjustments, we just never realized. I often read the obituaries – I’ve done this for years especially since our stillborn daughter, and will send a card to a bereaved family. Last week I read an interesting memorial in the obituary section. The husband wrote in memory of his wife, and mainly stated after first losing her, all they could thing of was the wonderful, loving times, but as time has gone on, the rough, bitter days come back too, yet their love was unconditional, and they made it through those days too. I think when we first went through the shock of losing Matthew, we all clung on to each other, wanted to uplift each other and bear each another’s burdens. We were at the beginning, all at the same point, but as time goes on, we are finding how we are each grieving differently, and things that may not have been “settled” before Matthew died, still are not, and are a bigger issue, that take a lot more out of us to try to break the barriers and work out. So, it’s definitely not been easy, and am thankful for close friends and our pastor who have been very available to us. It’s easy to close ourselves off at times to other friends (especially me) just not wanting the openess and revealing the pain we are truly going through. I know some of my friends and family read this, and wonder why I share here, and though I certainly don’t give the itty-bitty details of the failures and trying times we have gone through, I like to write, I want to be able to look back and see how God carried us, and want others who I don’t even know, know that as a true Believer in Jesus, that I have emotions that are deep, and that I can weep as those that weep, and maybe it will help another person to know, they can carry on despite the valleys we fall into. We aren’t alone. Also, my husband reads what I write, and there have been times, certain things have quickly come off that I have written!

Nope, life is not easy. God did not promise us that. But, I know we will make it. After church today, Norm put his arms around me and said though this was one of the worst past weeks, he thinks we made some progress and broke through some communication gaps, and we WILL make it. I know we will. Too many are praying for us, and we made a commitment to God and our family. Continue praying for us, and our children. The wounds are still raw, but we are so wanting for the healing to continue.

In going along with this, a mom recently left a comment here, who lost her husband 2 years ago, leaving behind his wife, a 3 year old and she was 8 months pregnant. I’ve not had a lot a time to look through her website in memory of her husband, but what I’ve read has been very encouraging. Her husband also published a book, Proverbs for your Life. It sounds very interesting.

PS – Please read the first comment (there is only one as I write this – does NOT mean any others are not important!!) that was left with this post. We have gotten many personal e-mails regarding families learning the game Matthew played and finding out their children or others they know are experimenting with it also. I don’t take this as a “pat on the back”, but that God is allowing our journey to help other families. We do believe good can come out of this, for eternities perspective.

HOMESCHOOLING is MEMORY MAKING

(This is my article for the “on-line” homeschool convention)

HOMESCHOOLING is

MEMORY MAKING

I never really thought of our homeschooling years directly as memory making time. Oh, I knew it in the back of my mind (I take lots of pictures), but our main focus through the years, was to teach our children “differently”, to be able to focus on them individually where their strengths and weakness are, to guard their hearts and minds, and to be able to work with “our schedule” which with my husband working second shift for most of our homeschooling years, he would not have seen them during the week had they been sent away to school, and we know how important a dad’s influence is on a family.

The last four months, however, I treasure our homeschooling years as I never imagined. I certainly do not regret for one minute we chose to homeschool. These years have made special memories, and am so thankful for all the time our children have been home and not spending more time away from us rather than at a school. I’ve been catching up on two scrapbooks, one for my oldest son, Stephen, who just turned 18 and may be graduating soon, and the other for my second son, Matthew, who died on December 11, 2004. Though there are such mixed emotions putting these two scrapbooks together, many of our memories are focused around our homeschooling years – from the first day each child “did school”, to pictures of our special family fieldtrips, to the precious growth in their writings – these are my treasure pieces.

I am a blessed mom with 9 children on earth, 3 miscarried babies, a stillborn daughter, Angela Hope, and our “forever 16” year old son, Matthew, forever in God’s glory. I remember starting school with Stephen and Matthew, when I was not stretched as thin, and loving all our “unit studies”, many trips to the library, and science experiments. I loved it, yet, there were struggles, and remember clearly when I was ready to give up. Matthew struggled more with math than Stephen did. Both Matthew and I were in tears – both of us ready to tare up the math book. I called my husband at work, clearly distraught. He encouraged me to put the math book away – possibly for even a year, and work with Matthew’s other strengths. At first that went against me – I was not being a good homeschool mom, not teaching my child math! But we are homeschooling – we are suppose to be flexible, and I listened to my wise and understanding husband (probably not cheerfully at first!). Many months later when we got Matthew’s math book out, it “clicked” with him, and he understood the concepts so much more clearly, and even caught up to his older brother in a short amount of time. The look of joy in his face that he could do it was rewarding for both of us. Another advantage of homeschooling – instead of being labeled “slow” or put in special education classes.

As I go through hundreds of pictures over the last 18 years, 13 of these years homeschooling, what precious memories. How thankful I am for our “family” homeschool fieldtrips, that we could enjoy learning together with our children. The bonds that were made with the children as they helped each other (and me) with their schooling and correcting some of each others work, are memory keepsakes. After Matthew died, we had so many things to go through, including his 11 years of schoolbooks. How precious to find his little “love notes” in some of his earlier years of books to me (and mine to him). How many teachers can write “I love you son” on their school work? There was also another very special note we found to his sister, Jessica (now 8). Jessica had two open heart surgeries after her first birthday, and spent 10 weeks in ICU. Matthew spent many days reading to her at her bedside, and also doing schoolwork either in the Ronald McDonald House or in her room. In going through his notebooks I found a big, red colored heart, with “I love Jessica” printed on it. Oh, what a treasure for all of us, but quite a treasure for Jessica to know his love for her. He prayed so much for her.

One of my favorite verses in Scripture is Luke 2:19 – “But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.” As we get so involved in the busyness of life, homeschooling, laundry, discipline, making meals, do we have the joy in teaching our children, cherishing the time God has given with each child, and treasuring and pondering these things in our heart? I challenge you to bring the joy into homeschooling, make memories, hug your child when he does great on a page or is frustrated with learning how to write a hard cursive letter. Take pictures. Go on more fieldtrips. Are you a tired mom who did not get much sleep last night? Have a snuggle reading book day – just sit with the children, low stress and see how many books you can read together. You probably can cover several subjects! Start planting a garden with them, and enjoy God’s beauty in life and treasuring with them the new life in plants and flowers. Encourage your children to write a journal. Oh, how I treasure my children’s journals – seeing the changes in their writing, and growth in their lives and spirit. Even if they write one time a week, what memories you are storing away, for generations to come.

Our main goal in our homeschooling is raising our children to be godly men and women, “That the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they may arise and tell them to their children, that they should put their confidence in God and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments.” (Psalm 78:6,7). Through our homeschooling years, we are helping mold our children’s hearts and minds, and prayfully they will follow God. So, someday, if you are putting a scrapbook together for your child’s special birthday, graduation, wedding or sadly, even a memory book as we are doing, you can thank God for the treasured memories and all the time you spent with them and what can be passed on from generation to generation.

©Loni Vander Stel 2005

More Firsts & “420″

This was something Norm was dreading, yet, we like to do – barbecuing. Matthew loved to barbecue – and liked doing some cooking (had his own “secret ingredient” bean dip we miss). But during the summer months, like most typical families, we like to barbecue and eat outside. Matthew took over this for the most part, and Norm especially was dreading doing it, yet, we need to continue and start making new memories. He even talked about getting a new grill – because ours is old & we have had to buy several replacement parts for it, but yet can’t justify spending the money on it. Norm did grill tonight & know Norm had that lump again in his throat. He never asked one of the other boys to do it – probably didn’t want to see the pain on their face either. He made great hamburgs and we did have a good time outside. Norm was kinda quiet. Later we had a good conversation just with Stephen outside. It’s neat as the children become “adults” and can have talks and share opinions and concerns, see how our children are growing.

We learned something new today. Maybe we are “too sheltered” and nieve with some things but Stephen keeps hearing the term “four twenty” at his automotive class, and thought maybe it was related to drugs. We were a little nervous what he was hearing, and privately did a websearch, concerned about what we would find out. Our search brought us to the about parenting teens website and shows how there’s different myths with its, such as, there are 420 chemicals in marijuana, April 20th is National Pot Smokers Day, April 20th is Hitler’s birthday, April 20th is the anniversary date of Columbine, 4:20 is a tea time for pot smokers in Holland, but this on the webpage summerized it well:

“Simply put, 420 is a symbol of cannabis and its culture. Today, April 20th events are international, and 4:20 pm has become sort of a world wide “burn time”. It certainly doesn’t matter too much where the term came from because for us parents, it’s a flag, a warning sign that our teenagers may be into something that could harm their future. When you see the symbol 420, be aware of what it represents. ”

Stephen has heard kids mention this 420, seen it written on walls, so it’s another things to be aware of, if your children say, or hear others using this term. Wish we didn’t have to know though!

Well, the thunder is rumbling as the much needed rain is approaching, so I better end this and get the computer shut off before the lightening does it!

More Firsts & “420″

This was something Norm was dreading, yet, we like to do – barbecuing. Matthew loved to barbecue – and liked doing some cooking (had his own “secret ingredient” bean dip we miss). But during the summer months, like most typical families, we like to barbecue and eat outside. Matthew took over this for the most part, and Norm especially was dreading doing it, yet, we need to continue and start making new memories. He even talked about getting a new grill – because ours is old & we have had to buy several replacement parts for it, but yet can’t justify spending the money on it. Norm did grill tonight & know Norm had that lump again in his throat. He never asked one of the other boys to do it – probably didn’t want to see the pain on their face either. He made great hamburgs and we did have a good time outside. Norm was kinda quiet. Later we had a good conversation just with Stephen outside. It’s neat as the children become “adults” and can have talks and share opinions and concerns, see how our children are growing.

We learned something new today. Maybe we are “too sheltered” and nieve with some things but Stephen keeps hearing the term “four twenty” at his automotive class, and thought maybe it was related to drugs. We were a little nervous what he was hearing, and privately did a websearch, concerned about what we would find out. Our search brought us to the about parenting teens website and shows how there’s different myths with its, such as, there are 420 chemicals in marijuana, April 20th is National Pot Smokers Day, April 20th is Hitler’s birthday, April 20th is the anniversary date of Columbine, 4:20 is a tea time for pot smokers in Holland, but this on the webpage summerized it well:

“Simply put, 420 is a symbol of cannabis and its culture. Today, April 20th events are international, and 4:20 pm has become sort of a world wide “burn time”. It certainly doesn’t matter too much where the term came from because for us parents, it’s a flag, a warning sign that our teenagers may be into something that could harm their future. When you see the symbol 420, be aware of what it represents. ”

Stephen has heard kids mention this 420, seen it written on walls, so it’s another things to be aware of, if your children say, or hear others using this term. Wish we didn’t have to know though!

Well, the thunder is rumbling as the much needed rain is approaching, so I better end this and get the computer shut off before the lightening does it!

Starting a Book Review

I enjoy reading, and especially lately, it really helps me to distract from thinking of all the past months . I am doing a couple different women’s type Bible studies, that I try to do in the afternoon or early evening. With the ladies from my church I am doing, A Woman’s High Calling by Elizabeth George & with some friends, The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.

So, at night before going to sleep I usually try to read to help distract from the days stresses (or past months). I just found out about Mind & Media – Publicity with Faith, which is for bloggers to do reviews on books (sometimes movies and other media) on their own blog. If a blogger agrees to do this, and has enough visitors on their site, the blogger can choose a book from Mind & Media’s list, receive it for free, read it, and do a review on it! (There are a few other details, which you can read on the Mind & Media site). I’ve been “approved”, and will be receiving my first book soon – Levi’s Will by W. Dale Cramer. By what Bethany House Publishers says about the book, it sounds like a book I will thoroughly enjoy. It’s somewhat about the Amish, and we have a lot of Amish people in our area, and I find them interesting people. It’s also about rejection and judmentalism, which I have dealt a lot with in my childhood years. I am looking forward to getting it and sharing it with you too!

The Mind & Media website is very nice and have been very impressed with the owner, Stacy. She is not just “all business” but is an encourager, quotes very appropriate Scripture verses, and gives updates on the exciting things that are happening with new books and publishers (and even tells about some of their blogs and links to them!). If you are who likes to read and have a blog, this sounds like a great opportunity to have great (Christian) books to read, and be able to share and promote it to others.

Going to our first Funeral Visitation – a child’s

Today we went to the first funeral visitation since Matthew’s death (a few we have already avoided, since they were at the same funeral home), and this one was also for a child – a 13 year old girl. My husband worked with the father for many years and share the same faith.

If you live in the area you may have heard or read in the news of this young girl, Faith, who was rollerblading with her family and collapsed as they were getting into their van. She died later at the hospital of a rare, undetected heart birth defect. We visited the family today, and know the fog they are in, when everything seems to be a cloud around, and you just go on with the motions as though someone is leading you along. So much is a blur, and is forgotten. We were thankful to be able to “weep with those that weep” and try to encourage them.

As so many check back to pray for us, please pray for Mark & Linda Taber and the 2 siblings and extended family.

Also, our “baby” Bethany (almost 2) has been running a fever, spiking sometimes to 104 for the last 24 hours. You’d think after “all those kids” it would not un-nerve me, but I hate it, and keep checking her temp and breathing. Prayfully, it’s just a virus, and she will be over it soon. But it makes for long nights, and a clingy child during the day.