Update . . .

This past week we have had more talks about Matthew’s death as a family than we have in awhile, mainly because of the media coverage on it. We talk individually to the kids often, and Norm & I talk about it almost every day, but this past week brought more things out in the open, and even going over the series of events the day of his death. There was one morning I asked Heidi (almost 14), to take a shower because her hair was looking oily. She did not respond, so I told her to. This time she snapped at me, “I don’t like to take showers.” When the chaoticness broke out that morning finding Matthew, she was taking a shower upstairs. All she could hear was the screams. She quickly got out of the shower & dressed, and tried to help open the locked door Matthew was in. So the other day, when she broke down, and told us how hard showers are, which actually we had discussed before and told her to take the radio or CD in the bathroom, or have her twin sister sit in there and talk to her. Then she broke down especially hard, and told us that just seeing the round door knobs all around the house are a continual reminder of that morning, and the locked door, and how she hates door knobs and HATES locked doors and makes her very panicy when she finds a door locked, worrying someone else might get hurt. She just sobbed and sobbed. Our hearts broke for her pain. We know Jayson & Benjamin went through so much visual in finding Matthew, but the others have things in their minds that trigger the pain and catch our breath. Since talking to her in detail, she seems a little more like herself, and relieved too, that we understand. We are going to change some of the door knobs on various doors, but she knows too door knobs are everywhere that she will have to face for the rest of her life. But she specifically said she likes the “wavy” kind of door knobs.

It’s still hard with family celebrations and birthdays. It was one of my sister-in-laws 40th birthday on Friday and there was a surprise party for her. Norm & I went back and forth about going, but it’s just hard when the whole family is together, yet, it’s not. It’s still a big hurdle to get over. We decided to stay home with the kids, which we generally do now on Friday nights instead of before when Norm & I had our date night. But, we had a bummer too, Friday afternoon, while Norm was getting a lawn tractor for a repair, and a stone hit the back window and shattered it. Norm was SO bummed. We just have the limited PLPD for auto insurance, so right now it’s a thick plastic window, until we find one in a junk yard! Pray we can find one soon. And, we are suppose to rejoice in everything, and we are thankful none of the younger children went along to ride with Norm, as the back carseat and seat were covered with glass.

Today at church Stephen’s graduation party was announced during the service, which is in a few weeks. It was so nice, that two ladies came up to us afterwards, wanting to help. One offered to make a cake, asked what Stephen liked, and when finding out he is into automotive repair and likes Nascar, she said she had the perfect idea and was excited about it! Her daughter who is close to Norm’s and my age, said she’d wants to do the serving and taking care of the kitchen during the party, and will help with decorations too. It’s just so nice, and I think too, because people want to be a part of the REJOICING with our family. Several in Norm’s family too have offered to help with desserts, which will be so great. It’s sure helps taking some of the stress off of me too. Now pray for a COOL day . . . low 80’s if you want to be specific.

Norm has gotten quite a few repair jobs this past week, which we are very thankful for. He is working on an advertising flier that will go out in our local paper in a week or so, and are hopeful this helps bring in more business. Our puppy business is the slowest it’s been, in the 10 years we have been doing this. We sold one pup yesterday, and don’t have any now, but did get a call for 13 puppies that should be ready to go in a week that are lab/St. Bernard mix! One small litter before would help even more!

Thanks again for the many nice notes lately. It’s been great “pick-me-ups.” Your prayers are what are making us make it through.

A wedding . . .

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve really written about our family, and appreciate all that have written and have encouraged us – especially those on the QF list. Thank you. Norm & I have had some real close, sweet times these past two weeks, that I am thankful for. We’ve been able to have more time to work through things and talk without it ending in tensions. Marriage is definitely work – no matter if it’s still your honeymoon or you’re married 20+ years. Sadly in just the last few months we have learned of two Christian, dedicated couples, going through divorces, and it’s sad to see a marriage crumble after all those years. We have so much to be accountable for, and our children need such a strong foundation.

Last Sunday, July 24th, we witnessed the beginning of a new marriage, that was so beautiful. It was an outdoor wedding on the “hotest day of the year.” Some close friends of ours, married off their oldest daughter, of ten children. The mom, Gayle, has been a special friend of mine for close to 13 years – has been at 3 of my births, and our husbands are good friends too. We have been through much together as we have shared our lives very closely – from children’s accidents, to rejoicing in new babies, to going through job losses together – many years of tears & joys together. Sunday was a joyous day!

Their oldest daughter, Emily was married to John. They had a short, sweet courtship – about 6 months. They both were committed to staying pure, and the radiance that beamed from both of them was just so incredibly sweet. Their first kiss was after John’s dad, who married them, pronounced them husband and wife.

It was such a priviledge to see their wedding. Our children have been “watching” this courtship, and they have set a beautiful example to our children of purity and courtship, for the future for them.

I love this picture of the radiant John & Emily, as two of her siblings greet them.

FRIDAY’S FEAST QUESTION 57

This is from a blogger who encourages sharing, called Friday’s Feast. Here’s this weeks . . .

Appetizer
Name 3 people whom you admire for their intelligence.
Dr. Curtis Cook, my high risk OB for our last four babies. His intelligence and the way he remembers so much (not just medically, but even about our family, from baby to baby and gave us many homeschool tips) is a God-given talent. He is also a Christian.

I really cannot think of other people I admire for their intelligence. That is not really something I “look for” in someone, but sincerity and realness.

Soup
What’s the last food you tried that you really didn’t care for.
I made a lentil dish that really was not the greatest. One of our boys had a friend over, and he was about the only one that liked it. I will never know if it was just because he was a guest he made such a big deal! My kids gagged on it!

Salad
If you could rename the street that you live on, what would you want it to be called?
Nature’s Run Drive – because we have so much wildlife that runs across the street all the time – from deer, to pheasants, to rabbits, raccoons and turtles. We have rescued numerous turtles!

Main Course
When was the last time you were genuinely surprised?
When some friends gave me a 40th birthday party – I had absolutely no idea.

Dessert
Share a household tip
A friend just saw me do this, and never had thought of it – I did not think it that unusual, but I break the long thin spagehtti noodles in thirds or fourths BEFORE I put them in the boiling water. Makes it much easier for the young ones.

ABC 20/20 on Choking Game Tonight + Info

Tonight’s 20/20 is about a 13 year old girl, who played the choking game and died in April. I am not sure if it’s wise for children to see it – though it may scare them never to try this. It might be good to tape it, and have parents watch it first. But I hope many watch it. It’s a “real” deadly game.

USA Today: ‘Suffocation games’ among kids turn fatal (regarding above girl and another Idaho boy) ” “Parents need to know (that) very good kids do this,” says Ashraf Attalla, a child psychiatrist at the Ridgeview Institute in Atlanta. “To my surprise, it’s much more common than I thought. We’re seeing this more and more.” Attalla says he has patients who say they’ve played it every day.”

ABC News 20/20: Dr. Thomas Andrew Advises Parents to Warn Children of ‘Choking Game’ Dangers

SAND . . .

We’ve had some real busy days, and I’ve not had much time to write here. I finally feel caught up with things a little better. I want to mention again, one of my favorite blogs, Holy Experience, that I love to read, that is such great encouragement to me, and was again these past days. Ann wrote about her visit to Lake Huron, and now is home, catching up with the laundry, and how sand is in and on EVERYTHING – yet she wants to keep it. She can tell it much better than me summarizing, so here is some of Ann’s post, Thoughts from the Sea, Pt. 1

There is sand in everything…shoes and towels, bathing suits and books. We sat in sand, we slept in sand, we dug in sand…and we’ve carried it home with us.

And instead of shaking it out of everything, I think I want to keep it—all of it.

For all that sand reminds me of Him. And how He feels about me.

“How precious also are your thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand”
~Ps 139: 17-18

I scooped up a handful of sand as I sat on the lapping shore and I began.

One grain. Two grains. Three grains. Counting this seemingly infinite number of granules (And that was just in the mere palm of my hand. Forget the whole beach. Or the sum of all the beaches on this grand spinning orb).

And I lost track. Completely. All those grains were far beyond my simple comprehension.

But there was a crack of a dawning in my understanding of how He feels about me. How He loves me. How He thinks of me and has dreams for me and knows me and understands me and wants me.

And I don’t want to shake that away, wash it away, or sweep it away. I want those sand granules to cling to me — to everything. I want to feel them grainy against my skin, stuck between my toes, sifted into everything I touch.

So I remember how staggeringly countless are His thoughts towards the sum of one and only me. Why? Why would He think so of me? Of any of us?

I can’t begin to fathom. I can only marvel and adore and worship.

And hold unto a few grains of sand so I never forget.

Lord, why do You love me so, why do You think of me so? I have never been loved like this. I want to dig into Your love, rest in Your love, sleep in Your love and carry Your love with me wherever I go. And make MY thoughts towards YOU as infinite as the sand on the seashore.

It’s just that gentle reminder we all need when things seem so shattered, or our lives are so busy that yet, He does still think of us. I feel that guilt when I say I will pray for someone, and forget – HE does not forget us. We can’t even hardly begin to count a handful of sand grains, and yet His thoughts are of us each individually is more than ALL the sand grains. It’s hard to fathom. Thank you Ann, for writing this so well, and sharing this. I am sure if I was touched by it, many others will be, and please read her other writings. You will be blessed.

Little Feet – New Home Page

Because we have had so many ask in person, where Matthew’s webpage is, we now have a new homepage at http://matthewsstory.com, so it should be easy to remember.

I was given a poem after our baby was stillborn, and wanted to have one similiar for Matthew to go with his little newborn baby feet. I put this on his new homepage.

FRIDAY’S FEAST QUESTION 56

This is from a blogger who encourages sharing, called Friday’s Feast. Here’s this weeks . . .

Appetizer
What kind of car do you drive? If you could make an even trade for any other car, what would you want to drive? A minivan – and would trade it for a 15 passenger van in a heartbeat!

Soup
Take your phone number and add each number together separately (example: 8+6+7+5+3+0+9=38) – what’s the total? Also 38!

Salad
When were you last outside, and what were you doing? Tonight, watering garden & plants.

Main Course
What is your favorite restaurant, and what do you usually order there? Don Pablos Mexican Restaurant – Chicken Chimichanga

Dessert
Name 3 things in which you occasionally indulge. Carmel Corn, Cafe Carmel from Coffee Beanery, Milano Mint Cookies

An Opportunity To Share About Matthew

Since Matthew died, both Norm and I have shared about Matthew quite openly. We are especially careful with children, but want parents aware, and especially moreso in the last several months as we have learned more and more about how prevalent this “choking game” actually is. Yesterday was another “God moment” as He certainly put it all into place.

When we participated in the Life Walk several weeks ago, I was given a “free haircut coupon”. Numerous local business gave to the group to sponsor the walkers. We have a wedding to go to this weekend, and so last night I thought I’d use it and dropped the kids at VBS and skipped out on it. It was a gal probably close to 30 that cut my hair. There was another girl standing almost behind her that was the greeter that was probably 16 or 17 years old. Usually I find that cosmetologists ask a lot of questions, but this one did not and I can’t just blurt out “my son died”. She was quiet and was “just doing her job.” I prayed for an opportunity to share, if it was meant to be. I did not think it would happen.

There was a secular station on in the place and it had call-in requests for songs. A young woman called in who had had an accident – fell down a cliff, and broke her back and went through many months of recovery, and said how thankful she was that God not only saved her life, but that she can walk and still enjoy God’s nature. She then requested the song by MercyMe, “I Can Only Imagine” which I have shared about before was Matthew’s favorite song, and portions of it we have put on his gravestone. I have never heard the song on the air in a public place, and just quietly said, “this song was my son’s favorite song – he died 7 months ago.” She asked me if he died in a car accident, and I then shared carefully how he died. She was in shock, but the greeter girl behind her said she has heard of this, and knows of kids who have done this. My hair cutter could not really comprehend the “why” kids would do this, but she then told me too she has an older son.

It was such a “God moment” how it all came together. There is no way I could have planned this – from way back to our kids pushing to do the Life Walk again this year, to me winning the haircut coupon, and then the timing of me going, and THAT SONG coming on right there. It was like God nudged me to say something. But now at least two more are informed how these breathing games kill – the young greeter girl who has friends who have done this, and the cosmetologist who has an older son. God really showed Himself tonight. When I told Norm about it, we both agreed it was so planned of Him. It gave us chills.

A woman I got to know through e-mails who lost a 19 year old son the same way we did, was on her local news in Pennsylvania today. Here is a direct link to the TV station’s website, and about her son. It’s gives more details that I generally write here, but for parents, again it can show you the realism of this, including other names for it. I think one of the most important sentences in it is: “They [the boy's parents] want parents and children to know that a 6-second high can cost a life.

Book Review: Levi’s Will

I started reading this book several weeks ago, and had a hard time getting into it. It was not because of the author’s writing or because I found it uninteresting, but it was words that poked at my inner being that brought back some childhood memories and memories of legalisim I “escaped” from. If you are one that went through rejection as a child or adult, and/or dealt with religious legalisim, though it may be hard to keep going at first, you will find yourself relating, and find healing along with the characters of this book. Today I dug into this book and could not put it down.

Levi’s Will by W. Dale Cramer, is about a young man, Will Mullet, that leaves the Amish community, knowing he’d be excommunicated. The book begins in January 1985, but has flashbacks and how this young man grows into adulthood. He leaves behind a pregnant girl, his large family, and an especially condemning father and Amish religion. The author wrote the book in the third person and at this point says of Will, “No soul could long thrive in the glare of such withering and justifiable wrath. Will chose exile because it seemed like a lesser kind of death.” He joins the army under a false identity, finds his wife and builds the first years of their marriage of lies of the past.

As Will grows older, he confesses to his wife, raises a son, and much of the story is his going back “home” and yearning for reconciliation with his father. Because of his running away from home, he is shunned, and even has to sit at a separate table than the rest of the family. He thinks that he will never have this much needed forgiveness, and wants to give up, but his brother reminds him, “He [his father] still grinds his teeth when he thinks about you, every day. Every day, Will. He thinks about you every day! No man spends fourteen years being mad at somebody he don’t care about.”

The reconciliation yearned for is not only with his dad, but reconciliation with God, and how he has to first make things right with Him. Then it was very important to forgive his father, even if his father did not forgive him. He realizes the need to break the sins of the forefathers. I found this statement very hard hitting: “The sins of the fathers are indeed visited on subsequent generations, he thinks, as his mind slips back into the past. What he knows now to be a hereditary anger born of a hereditary disapproval has cause him to lose great chunks of his son’s life in precisely the same way he had lost great chunks of his father’s”.

Another person to watch the life of in this book, is Will’s wife, Helen. She is a very encouraging woman, who also seeked out God, and had a quiet testimony for her husband in being servanthearted. I also appreciated the way she stayed not only faithful, but loving and encouraging to her husband and family who went through many ups and downs. Too many marriages are destroyed when emotions take over, and she was not one to allow this to happen.

PERSONAL THOUGHTS – I highly recommend this book. The story is interwoven with many different personalities and life issues, that would be common to many, and can be a story that can help lead to healing and finding God. The book begins in January 1985 and flashes back, beginning in 1943. Sometimes, (at least for me) it was confusing. Because I was reviewing this book, I highlighted sections, and it helped me to put some of the puzzle pieces together by going back and reviewing some of what I had highlighted.

I noticed in reading the author’s webpage, that “he was the second of four children born to a runaway Amishman turned soldier. . .” I wonder how much of his childhood and family history brought about this book.

When I have a chance, I would like to read it again, knowing the full story, and I am sure will find more of those puzzle pieces, enlightening and thought provoking. I also plan to seek out the author’s other books, Sutter’s Cross and Bad Ground.

NOTE: As a Mind & Media Reviewer, I was not compensated for providing this review. I received a complimentary copy of the book in order to review it and am thankful for this opportunity. Your purchasing it from the link below or one of my links above, does help me raise funds in my Amazon account, and if you do, THANK YOU!

Tagged! 5 things . . .

5 snacks I enjoy … (aka weaknesses)
Chocolate Brownies with lots of walnuts
Klondike Bars
Take 5 Candy Bars
Low Carb Icecream – with Magic Hard Shell on
Lime Chips

5 songs I know all the words to
You Raise Me Up – Selah
I Can Only Imagine – MercyMe
Many Hymns, but these are my favorites
Because He Lives
How Great Thou Art
It Is Well With My Soul

5 things I would do with $100,000,000…
A good portion to a mission, church, etc.
Pay off our house – maybe build a new one
Buy a 15 passenger van
Buy several of our friends a 15 passenger van
Buy a large travel trailer so we can travel with our family all over the USA

5 locations I would love to run away to…
(It would be a “planned” runaway! If I “ran away” I’d HAVE to come back though!!)
Hawaii
Austrailia
Florida
Texas
California

5 things I like doing…
Being with our children
Alone time with my husband
Reading
Crafts – cardmaking, scrapbooking, sewing
Blogging and webpages

5 things I would never wear…
Bikini
Very High heeled shoes
Tank or halter tops
Short skirts
Earings in various places other than my ears!

5 recently seen movies I like…
Pride and Prejudice
Into the West (on TNT recently)
(we don’t watch movies often, esp. during the summer)

5 famous people I’d like to meet…
Chuck Swindoll from Insight for Living
Elisabeth Elliot
Barbara Walters
(how about a couple “famous people in heaven?? Of course, Jesus first)
Job
David

5 biggest joys of the moment…
My husband
My children
Life
Hearing laughter
My oldest son’s phone calls every day during lunch (which he was not asked to do) and he often asks us to meet him for lunch. Brings such joy that an 18 year old WANTS to be with his parents.

5 favorite toys…
My embossing stencils for cardmaking
Sewing machine
Computer
Knitting Needles
Bosch Kitchen Mixer

I am not forwarding this to 5 people as this came with as directions. I hate pressuring! But, it sure would be nice if 5 readers would take the questions and answer on their blog and let me know!