The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light:
they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death,
upon them hath the light shined.
Isaiah 9:2
2005 was a very difficult year. We certainly did walk through a very dark shadow. I never knew such pain and void could be in our lives, or the pain I’d see through my children. I never knew everywhere I looked, there would be reminders. I never saw how much my children look alike, until this past year, when I’d see glimpses of Matthew in gestures, side facial glances, posture, or even in their voices. I never saw such grief, pain and weariness in my husband. I understand why 75% of marriages don’t make it after the death of a child, and am thankful though it was the hardest year of our marriage, by God’s grace, and strong servants of His, standing with us, we made it. (But don’t stop praying either.)
Yea, though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4
And though it was a year of such pain, I know He never left us, and He was continually carrying us along, even when we doubted and questioned – even when we wondered why and how and wanted to run away from it all. There were so many times, things happened at the right time, a phone call, a song on the radio, a card or note in the mail.
Though sometimes the pain comes rushing back, almost as the initial shock, and we still grieve over the loss of Matthew and broken dreams and understand more, that “His ways are not our ways” we know it’s ok too, that we do miss him, and we won’t forget him.
Can a woman forget her nursing child
And have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.
Behold I have inscribed you on the palm of My hands.
Isaiah 49.14-16
“Those we love are with the Lord,
and the Lord has promised to be with us.
If they are with Him,
and He is with us,
they cannot be faraway.”
Peter Marshall
and the Lord has promised to be with us.
If they are with Him,
and He is with us,
they cannot be faraway.”
Peter Marshall
We won’t forget. We know there is a reason God allowed us to go through this, and sometimes it even seemed we were going through it alone. But our race here on earth is not done. We once again have had many opportunities to share Jesus, to share about the dangerous choking game, and to encourage someone else who may seem alone or going through a hard time. Matthew had a passion for souls. I’ve shared before how the summer before he died, when my husband and I were out, on his own, he went to the neighbors with his Bible to make sure Mr. Mike knew the Lord. Little did Mr. Mike know how many times Matthew prayed with tears in his eyes or heart, concerned about his soul – and a few months later, Mr. Mike sat at our church at Matthew’s memorial service. Sometimes, I wonder if Matthew is cheering us on from heaven.
Therefore since we also are surrounded
with so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us lay aside every weight and
the sin which so easily besets us,
and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
looking to Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith,
who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,
despising the shame,
and sat down at the right of the throne of God.
For consider Him who endured such contradiction
of sinners against Himself,
lest you be weary and faint in your minds.
You have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.
Hebrews 12:1-4
Yes, it’s been a long night, but we see the tip of the sunrise for a new morning.
This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope.
The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:21-23
Weeping may endure for a night,
but joy cometh in the morning.
Psalm 30:5
So we do not look at what we can see at this moment,
the troubles all around us,
but we look forward to the joys in heaven
the troubles all around us,
but we look forward to the joys in heaven
which we have not yet seen.
The troubles will soon be over,
The troubles will soon be over,
but the joys to come will last forever.
For we know that when this tent we live in now
For we know that when this tent we live in now
is taken down
- when we die and leave these bodies -
we will have wonderful new bodies in heaven,
homes that will be ours for evermore,
made for us by God himself, and not by human hands.
2 Corinthians 4.18 – 5.1
- when we die and leave these bodies -
we will have wonderful new bodies in heaven,
homes that will be ours for evermore,
made for us by God himself, and not by human hands.
2 Corinthians 4.18 – 5.1
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time,
are not worthy to be compared with the glory
that is to be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;
and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow,
and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow,
nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:
for the former things are passed away.
Revelation 21.4
for the former things are passed away.
Revelation 21.4
I am trading my sorrow
I am trading my pain
I am laying them down for the
JOY OF THE LORD
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Monday we went and celebrated with Norm’s family, and it was a very nice, relaxing time with his brothers and sister. The girls especially loved being with their 9 girl cousins. It was neat to hear them singing and enjoying each other. The generosity of family and friends was overwhelming and just neat to see how God supplied. Our children get just as excited about “hand-me-downs” as new clothes, and I think especially the younger girls have pretty much a “new” wardrobe with several people giving us things and we were able to replace our “hand-me-downs” with newer. One of my little girls favorite toys is little Teddy Bears they got several sets of clothes for, and I actually prefer them dressing and redressing these bears than them dressing and redressing themselves! That is the challenge with 5 girls in one bedroom and trying to keep their clothes orderly!
So, you see, I have many gifts piled beneath the tree. But I don’t mean an evergreen tree, decorated with bright lights and shiny ornaments. I mean the tree that stood atop Calvary- the one stained red with the blood of the Savior who gives these gifts to me. 
Today we were blessed with some real neat gifts by some ladies that don’t even really know us, but wanted to bless our family. One of the ladies, Lynda, who lives in our area, I met after Matthew died. She had met Matthew at the store he worked at, and she too also lost a child, and knows the pain we are going through. We have talked and e-mailed throughout this past year. A few days ago she called and told me about a close friend of hers who lost her sister in the spring very unexpectedly
and in her memory her friend wanted to bless another family with gifts and Lynda told her about us. Well, today, they arrived, with too much to even mention. Food, treats, and blessings of gifts that were just precious not because of “things” but because of the tremendous outpouring from the heart, to help heal a heart. It was neat too that though they did not really know our family, and though I gave them some “needed item” ideas (socks, t-shirts, etc), and not only did they give these items, they gave things the kids loved – as though the did know them! 
The 2 older boys got nice winter coats. One of our older girls got boots that is exactly her taste (she loves the “country” look) and we all said it
She said
From this website, there is a link to 
. Both of the books that I mentioned here I also found in our library system. 
1. Can you homeschool legally? 
did not want a “program” as such. We gave him a party. Some HS’d children participate in a large group with a formal graduation like in a high school. We know another family who had a party, but before it, had several people speak and give their blessings on the child. Some homeschool families do a curriculum through aorganizeded group, possibly where they mail in all the school work, and then they get an actual diploma from that school. We know another family who has a certified teacher come in their home once a month, and go over all the children’s papers, and then can give the children a diploma.
For one serving measure 1/3 – 1/2 cup of mix into cup & fill with hot water or milk.